Lots of lasts

So things are changing... last wesley, last intern appreciation, last golf tournament, last jamaica trip (sorta), last crosstrainers retreat, lots of lasts. But I guess there are also about to be a lot of firsts... I hope! First place of my own, first (fill in the blank) after wesley. All I've ever known in my "adult" post college life has been Wesley. And I've been confused because I haven't been crying more. And we all know what a crier I am. I'm trying to figure out what I'm feeling but I'm just not quite sure. I guess I'm feeling a lot of things. Part of me feels like a failure because I don't know what is next. I love a plan and I have none. Not a clue. There I said it, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. That's really hard for me to admit. But, the firsts are coming. They have to be. Even if they aren't the firsts I thought they would be or maybe even want them to be, they have to be coming. Because I have to believe that all this change has to be for my good. I have to believe that all the things that are going away, everything that's been so comfortable for so long, everything I've known has just been preparing me for what's to come. Some days are easier than others to believe the Lord for His promises. But I just have to believe that He has a plan, b/c I can't believe the alternative. Because right now all I have to bank on are the Lord's promises. He is really all I have right now. I know He will come through, He always has- I just don't know how yet or when. But I know that it's going to be great somehow, it just has to be. And I'm sure the tears will come at the directors retreat. It's the last one.